The Minesweeper’s Paradise.
A heartbreak feels as painful every time. What is it that makes us feel otherwise!
Every time a heart breaks there is a crashing of hopes and dreams, of this unknown strength and courage that was instilled in you for the hope of the better and the future. We associate ourselves to relationships a little more than just the sex and the ‘emotional attachment’ is nothing but the need of your inner self for that unforeseen source of inspiration and positivity.
Which is the reason why many relationships which have toxic partners involved with each other, or at least people who can bring out the toxicity within each other, does not last a long time. The signs are always there though. It is easy to observe the way a person treats someone else is the way a person will treat you.
Why then do we still end up wanting the ‘wrong people’? Why do we want to make life with someone who is a clear danger signal for us? Why do we choose to ignore the early signs of toxicity in the partner? What is that one thing, which we so often name as love, that drives us beyond our moral and self-conscious judgements and impairs our ability to analyze a relationship for what the person brings to our life?
Many inspired and high achievement people have a dysfunctional and broken approach towards relationships. There are two reasons for this:
- You either have an intense need or craving within you for attention/ love/ smothering/ approval from another which does not come from the achievements and other sources of inspirations, hence making your partner your muse. This, as romantic and beautiful it was in the day and age of the medieval, the Millenials cannot survive this. The constant need paralyses a relationship to be crippled to walk together with both feet moving at the same time. The case otherwise, where you smother the partner can cause suffocation which kills the sheer novelty and value of the relationship and makes it unbreathable to live/ be with the partner.
- This is the thrill in life that the analytical and overachievers get. Some people are designed to function highly rationally, or so they train their brain to, and in the process of these rationale overriding their mindless enthusiasm, their brain is triggered to get attracted to the wrong person. There is a certain toxic stimulus that the brain gets with the ‘battles’ with a partner who you love and hate at the same time. Science terms these as a psychosis condition. The bigger picture is, some of us don’t like the normal, the easy-going, the ones with no dark story of a broken childhood or the ones who do not allow their wild side to be free. It is living with two different personalities at the same time. These are different people in the night and different people in the day.
While we are in the early stages of a relationship, we know what we are building in our head. But we surely do not have the means to judge what the partner is building in their head.
Give a few months and one of them is training their brain to align with the expectations and thought process of the other one. Fitting in their world and changing the rules of the game to the partners liking and suitability.
With this given, there is no thrill left in a relationship. There is the only dismissal of your presence, the abundant options outside of the confines of a relationship and a sinking ‘Titanic’ where the Rose or the Jack is wailing in a corner while both of them are freezing from inside, or at least that love story is dying its natural death.
This in no way underestimates all the beautiful memories made, the time spent together, the fondness of each other, the way you are a new person after being with this person. BUT this is not enough to survive the boat anymore. Because the entire time this ‘Titanic’ was rushing straight to the iceberg with no blindfolds on their eyes.
The Pain of Separation
The pain of separation, no matter it is with a partner or with family, but let’s stick to the partner for the sake of this blog, is equally depressing and challenging.
When a person leaves your life, in this process of separation they peel off of your body a layer of your skin, which you want it or not, is a part of you stripped out and there are ‘shards’ of you out there in the blackhole burning away.
But you don’t know how to function without that layer of skin anymore, do you? You are paranoid, depressed, lost in thoughts, there is a constant endeavour in your ‘brain’ trying to fix what’s broken off you.
While you keep achieving your goal, while you keep inspiring, while you keep working and growing, you are constantly fixated on the thought of the person lost. Not because you lost them, you let them go only because you knew in your subconscious that you wanted to let them go. You, however, were not ready to let a part of you go. And that has made all the difference now.
It takes time for the skin to grow, or to find a new shelter of skin to hide in, to build a new layer with all new possibilities and to make a life with purpose in love.
Purpose in Love
Purpose in love is an inward spiral.
When a person stops looking outside for the comfort of the new skin, and they start climbing down the spiral inside, going back to the past events and making sense out of your own reactions and implications of these actions on you, finding a part of yourself within yourself.
The journey to self-discovery of layers of you that you peeled off to stay alive and sane when nothing made sense, the layers which you patched with some times false memories and other times lost memories. Everything can collapse internally all at once if you rush down this spiral or even with your most careful treading of steps.
But know these ruins are beautiful. This collision is your making and remaking and making again. As old as your soul is so many you have the monuments from ruins within you. And this land of mystery is your land of fantasy to build and to bring to life with your hard work.
Love is not an emotion of the heart- the heart has no function to incite emotion. Your entire network of neurons is fit right there in your brain.
But isn’t that brain a minesweeper field, and isn’t that beloved the one thought of explosion, that you guide your steps carefully and win a day but at night you’re weary and there goes the explosion? An infinite possible dark hole right there in your head stretching you back to the infinity you came back from this morning?
And your paradise? This oblivion of an infinity you keep swimming in and out of each night and morning!
